Thursday, February 24, 2011

I have a hot date!

With my hot hubby-to-be!

Seriously, someone should give my mom a dozen roses (I sure as hell can't afford them, but she deserves them). I have a date lined up for next Monday with Charlie, and Grandma's babysitting...and we don't have a curfew! :) We'll probably still be home by ten because we're cool like that, but still...a date without a curfew with a hot guy!

Our relationship hasn't been as great as usual in the last few weeks. Aside from having a teething five-month old together, we have many shared responsibilities to bills and work that have taken the front burner in our relationship instead of each other. After going around and around about the same things we always argue about this last time, it occurred to me that we're not that mad with each other over the things we argue about. We miss each other. 

Charlie's gone for most of the day at work, and Lydia's my primary responsibility in the household. I pick up hours at New Horizons and the Left Bank, but I take the reins when it comes to raising our daughter. I get up with her at night and play with her all day. And when she's napping or playing contentedly by herself, I'm reading parenting blogs and books, and piecing together the framework for how I want to raise Lydia. When Charlie gets home from work, be it 6:00pm or 2:00am, I'm exhausted and so is he. Bye bye sex life, bye bye romance, bye bye spark.

We muster through each day and sometimes wallow in the negative. Charlie is a grump when he doesn't feel good, and he doesn't feel 100% most of the time because of his crazy work schedule and less-than-ideal places of employment. This morning he woke up with a stuffy nose and stomach cramps, and I'm tired from being up with Lydia since 4:00am (and I have a stuffy nose, for the record). I was boiling my pump parts from my NEW PUMP YEAH!! and he came in all scowly and owly and cold from not feeling well, so I made him a cup of tea and tried to cuddle. He refused and left soon after with an "I love you, see you later." I feel challenged and lost in how he feels, which is incredibly co-dependent; he's a big boy, and I don't need to take his projections and protests of not feeling well as personal insults or anything.

Sigh. But I do. However, that's MY issue to deal with, not his.

We still flirt from time to time...I'll give him an "ow ow!" with a wink as he struts from the shower to the bedroom to get dressed. And he'll nuzzle my neck when I've actually managed to get dressed for the day and tell me how pretty I am. But most of the time, I'm dressed comfortably (i.e. long underwear bottoms or pajama pants topped with a sexy t-shirt filled with drool and spit up), my hair's up, and the last thing on my mind is impressing Charlie.

That needs to change. Starting with this date, we need to begin making time for each other. It's not about finding'll find another 100 things to work into the day before you find the time to get dressed or take a shower. I've been creative in getting things done for myself, such as wrapping Lydia in a towel and bringing her into the shower with me. She loves hanging out in her little tub and playing with a toy in there. I may not always shave my legs or worry about a face scrub, but when you're a busy mom, a hot shower is such a luxury...even when your kid's sharing it with you. Hey, the steam is good for the runny nose she has!

At the end of the day, we need to remember that we have done amazing things together, and we have a future of impossibly awesome things in the years to come. Hey, we created life! I gave birth with this man's arms wrapped around me, his chin against my shoulder whispering encouragement as I pushed our beautiful daughter out, tears streaming down both of our faces when we laid eyes on Lydia for the first time. We hope to have more children together too, and have enjoyed building our life together so far. 

I mean, come on. Who can resist this face? :) Not me.


  1. What a great read! Oh the similar struggles we all experience in life. Do you ever feel like you worry too much about raising Lydia, and just kind of forget the appreciation you have for you parents. I feel that way sometimes. Like, I worry about if I am reading to her enough, if I should put her in two ecfc classes a week this spring or just one, or is she bonding well with everyone in her life. And sometimes I just think, my mom didn't do any of this stuff and I turned out pretty good! I just think sometimes we worry too much about strategies and books, articles and don't listen enough to just being a loving providing mother! ... But then I am like I want her to have all of the tools and resources given to her so that she can be . . . . and the worrying continues! lol

  2. That was a great note Katie! and so true all the way. I am/was on the same boat, after having Anisa, we both became overwhelmed and being first time parents, it was exhausting. However as time went by we figured out ways to manage our time and make time for each other, today we are on baby # 2 and i can honestly say we came a long way, things are a lot more easier for us because of our experience (not that you can ever be %100 experienced with children)but we tried. I am so happy for you and you both deserve that hot date on Monday,and your mom is awesome for stepping in to babysit for you. HAVE FUN BEAUTIFUL!and remember just because we are mommies doesn't mean we have to pretend that the babies spit up blends with our outfit, treat yourself occasionally, you are a sexy momma ;-)

  3. Hey girls! Arielle, you speak such truth...I now know how much my mama loves me (and how much grief I've put her through!) :) Most of my day is spent thinking about how to do things better for Lydia...developing a better rhythm for our days, figuring out new ways to get her little brain going, better ways to breastfeed...all of our energy and time goes to our babies! My philosophy about child-rearing is this: whenever anyone says, "Oh, I did such-and-such when I was little and I turned out fine" I always think to myself that yeah, that's true, but we can do better for our kids because we know better now!

    Love you both so much!